Too Heavy to Bear

I have heard many stories before I enter NS. I remember people were telling me some ugly stuff about the people there. Some said I'd better write my names on everything (including underwear) because the people there might just steal it. Well, I have had eight months of experience in NS, and I had not seen any thieves yet nor lost anything yet, though I had only heard of one incident that happened to a platoon mate. I am even confident enough to leave my wallet and handphone in the bunk and be assured that no one will take it.

Does that mean that people are getting better? Does that mean that people are getting more morally upright?

I guess not. People are still as selfish as can be. That, I believe, is the root sin that plagued those thieves, and even people nowadays, even if they do not steal. Everywhere I go, the doctrine of total depravity screams at me. Everytime I am inclined to think that people are not so bad, the doctrine of sin screams at me. Sure, I am suffering less effects of sin now, probably due to education. People around me are either A level or Diploma holders. Education, however, can never solve the root problem. Everytime I write a GP essay in my JC days, it is always education this, education that. Because that is what the markers want to see. I get high marks for explaining that education can solve things. Fact is, I don't believe in it. At all.

The root problem remains, with or without education.

Teamwork and integrity are actually very simple things to achieve. Yet people naturally only want to work for their own gains and benefits, and teamwork is only achieved when either it is forced upon them, or when there are benefits for the entire group. People do not admit mistakes when they know they will not be caught.
I get frustrated at these people. They are not being hardworking. They are not being honest. They only want to gain things for themselves, and do not want to listen to any advice or criticisms given. They act like the world revolves around them. They act like everyone owes them something. They act like they don't need criticisms.

I have a huge responsibility. I am a Christian. I know I am in that place, with those people because God put me there. I know I am supposed to live with it. But most importantly, I am supposed to influence. I remember making two resolutions for the start of the year. One, to survive NS physically. This is easy, and I consider it done. Two, to survive NS spiritually. This is not easy. I am not talking about taking the bible out and reading it regularly. It is not so trivial. I am talking about influence.

How can I influence people when I tell them to do the right thing and the immediate answer is 'for what?' How can I influence people when I criticize and the criticism are fallen unto deaf ears? How do you want me to teach greater truths? How do you want me to reprimand, to rebuke, to call unto repentance? How do you want me to tell them they need a Saviour?

It is a very hard responsibility. I get frustrated when Andrew said his platoon asked him about Christianity readily. I just wish it was so simple. I just wish they would ask, and I would gladly tell them all I know. But as of right now, they do not need anything from anyone.