A New Year Begins

I shall reflect on 2006's resolutions.

1. To survive army life physically
2. To survive army life spiritually

Number 1 was easier than I thought. Number 2 was much more difficult than I thought. I now believe that anyone who wishes to enter army can end up being very very disappointed. I remember this time of last year. It was 4 more days to enlistment. Naturally I felt very nervous, yet filled with anticipation. One of the reasons why army life seems so exciting is because of what the movies and books tell us. I am not saying they are false. They are true history; you just don't find it here in modern Singapore. You, as a man, is attracted by qualities like heroism, bravery, discipline, ethics, justice, victory over evil, experience of a lifetime, and so on. But you will be like a newly-recruited soldier for war, feeling all the excitement to jump straightaway into war and kill some enemies. When once you are inside the war and witnessed all the tragedies, you cannot wait to get out. As I have advised F, once you go in, be in for a shock. You will not find Saving Private Ryan at Pulau Tekong. You will not find Schindlers' List there. You will not find the Battle of Ardennes there. And I have warned F, to expect some misery there, if he even desires to live some sort of Christian life over there.

So Resolution no. 2 is still very difficult to me. I had one year of experience already. But I am going to use this resolution again for 2007.

For 2007, I have a new and extremely heavy responsibility. Somehow I felt I have not trusted God enough when I was first told of this duty. What kept flashing through my mind is that I cannot do it. Honestly speaking, I am still not ready. I never see myself as a good teacher or speaker. I can say 'God will use the weak' many times, but I have found myself so unfaithful to even trust that God will bring me through. I thought for a week and decided not to do it. But somehow, by God's will, I'm back again, taking up this responsibility. I want to learn to trust God. I think God will prepare me slowly but surely. I need to stop slacking, and start being serious in my walk with God. Hopefully this responsibility will keep me on the ball always. I learnt a great lesson through this. God has shown me my faithlessness through Q and my group members F and Z. Q has been crazily juggling all sorts of ministries thrown at her and she's taking the new one despite all the stress she have. And then as I listen I realize that time and youth is actually on my side, and I am not making good use of it. I am not involved in as many ministries as her, yet I am not faithful enough to take this up. I was so ashamed of muself. Through F and Z, I realize that all 3 of us are so alike. We are sometimes unable to put our trust in God, and feel dismayed by it. We made a resolution for 2007, that we must learn to trust God more in our lives. God spoke to me through a song on the last Sunday of 2006, 'Great is Thy faithfulness'. Throughout all these years of faithlessness, God has remained faithful, so why am I still do distrustful? I hope the coming year will teach me more about trust and obedience to God. I look at myself and say, 'Look! I'm still here!' It is so wonderful to be preserved by God's faithfulness.

On Watchnight service (31st Dec) I learnt through Deacon Gregory to always give thanks to God under all circumstances. All others praised God for something that God gave to them, but Dn Gregory was special that night: he praised God despite having found himself wanting. I think it is wonderful to know, and trust that the upcoming year will be better, because God will look after each one of His sheep. I like listening to the testimonies given. I will come for Watchnight service next year to share in the joy of God!