"I loved her. I just couldn't show it."

I'm a little troubled. Don't worry this is no emo post. Just a little distressed over some things. I guess as a Christian I have failed horribly at human relationships. Well I was worse back then when I need not care. But now.. things are different. I had to care. I want to care. In fact, I would love to care. But it always seem that somehow I am unable to know people well, or at least as well as I would have loved to. And I think the problem lies with me, the Anti-Social, the Unapproachable, the Cold Guy, the Dao Kia, the Wet Blanket, the Epitome of Boredom. Not that I want to be like this anyway. I hope I have a choice.

You know that scene in The Shawshank Redemption, where Andy mentioned to Red that "oh, how I loved her (his wife)"? One might have imagined what disdain he would possible have for his wife who would commit adultery later. But no; he loved her. He just couldn't show it. And it was a very sad scene for me, since his wife never appreciated or could never see his love for her just because he was unable to express himself. I immediately identified with Andy. I was like, that's me! That's kinda like me, I thought. Many times good intentions are just simply not good enough. But of course, I hope that a Mr Red will come along and be a good friend who understands Andy.

That's the first thing. Second thing that I am troubled is, and pardon me for saying, are some of us getting too 'wise' for our own good? I mean, it's good to no longer be apathetic, but I just feel that maybe some of us are a tad too quick in judging and criticising, especially in the dangerous business of judging someone's intentions and words. We seem to so easily associate certain words with certain thoughts and somehow assume both are linked. How often do we get it right? Is it not God's business to know the secret thoughts of man? Not that judging is wrong, and I would readily admit that most are wise men and women whom I would gladly heed the advice of, yet at the same time, I cannot help but feel uncomfortable. I think it is a dangerous business to peddle in. Simply put, if I were to place the wise judgements of a godly man alongside the sinfulness and deceitfulness of our hearts, I think we ought, as fallen sinners, trust our own fallenness more than we ought to trust our 'wise' counsels.