I should be careful with my words.

Somehow, it conveys the WRONG meaning. I don't know how, don't ask me.



何日君再去 says:
anyway, i want to ask u
you got someone you like?
tell me lehz
your blog entry seems to suggest this...

Ball N Biscuit : Let it be. says:
HUH?

何日君再去 says:
in church or yfc???

Ball N Biscuit : Let it be. says:
seriously??
which one???


My sister. She amazes me.

There are 2 kinds of people in this world.

One who says to God, 'Your will be done.' The other kind, God says to them, 'Alright then, have it your way.' (C.S. Lewis)

It might seem as if I am the first kind. But deep down I know, I might just be the second kind if God's grace was not upon me. Sometimes I wonder, if my life has been a breeze thus far? And it is. I have a wonderful family. I have passed all my major examinations. I am having fun in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I should have suffered some major setbacks in my life.

Perhaps I should, to learn a little life lesson, rather than take things for granted.

You see, some of my friends cannot enter university. Some of them took it hard, like the second kind of person. Some thanked God anyway, like the first kind of person. I wonder if I were to face the same kind of setback, will I be the first, or second kind? And surely such setbacks will come my way in the future.

'My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness.' And so the hymn goes. Surely a piece of paper certificate cannot bring you down! Is your hope so fragile as to hang upon that piece of paper?

My sister Wan Jun made a lot of sense:

Ball N Biscuit : Let it be. says:
they feel like they lose 2 years lidda

何日君再去 says:
maybe they gain something too
gain failure

何日君再去 says:
losing time is not that impt
losing integrity has greater impact


Gain failure! I may have missed out on a great lesson of life. So my dear friends, will it be God's will? Or will it be your way?

I can't get no....fascination.

I'm very fascinated by transcendence. I'm not talking about the kind of transcendence where God transcends the world, though that is something to be really fascinated about :)

I don't know if transcendence is the correct word to use (most probably isn't, but heck, lazy to search dictionary).

Isn't it just fascinating that mere words of encouragement can calm a person's heart? Or that just looking into the eyes of the person you love can warm your heart? Or that biological neurotic transmission can result in physical muscular action? Or even as you close your eyes in this conscious world, you wander into your dreams in a sub-conscious state? Or how a physical being like us can have immaterial thoughts or ideas? Or how the computer only reads your meaningful commands as meaningless binary codes? And as you observe all these things, only seven words come to your mind:

"How the heck do you do this!?!"

Wow. Fascinating.

I'm going on a plane! (The Sua Ku Entry)

I'm going to Australia! I'm going on a plane! Off from Singapore! To Down Under! Muahahhaa. And it's Free! Wahaha.

Well, it seems to be that I am not the only person who has never left Singapore and Malaysia before (furthest I've been is a pathetic Penang, wahaha.) One bunk mate of mine has also never been on a plane before. So this coming November, I'll be leaving for Operation Wallaby in Australia...first time on a plane. Sua ku right? 19 years old still haven't been on a plane -.-

It's ok, there's a first time for everything. I'm not the richest guy around, man. That's what I always say. And then my friends will say 'But go on airplane no need to be that rich, what.' Yeah. You dunch understand, one.

And in a moment of mad telepathy, both my sister and I sang this song, not exactly the kind of words I would say to someone departing, but well:

"Mr Play It Safe, was afraid to fly
He waited his whole damn life
To take that flight
And when the plane crashed down
He thought 'Oh, isn't this nice?'
And isn't it ironic..." - Ironic, Alanis Morrisette

Thanks ah. Thanks.

Brotherhood

Just watched this Korean war movie on.. the Korean war (duh), on DVD. Fantastic movie I must say, and it is rather different from normal war movies. This movie depicts war as ugly, ruthless, immoral, and even inhuman. I must say that any misconception regarding how I like war (I don't) which might arise from the fact that I like garang-ness in NS rather than slackness, is wrong. As I told my sister, it's true that I like to train to kill. But I would pray that war never happens that I will have to kill (or be killed for that matter). So it goes that I do not like war. So how could someone who hates war loves to train to fight war?

I love not war per se. War is stupid and useless. But I love the positive qualities that some breed of men show, that only war can bring out of them: the heroism, bravery, self-sacrifice, righteousness, never-say-die attitude, the 'Band of brother'ness. It is that simple. Do you not love history precisely of this?

Which explains why I can enjoy both Saving Private Ryan, which depicts war in the light of American heroism against evil, as well as Brotherhood, which depicts war the opposite: as utterly futile, and ultimately, evil too.

Brotherhood contains some powerful scenes. One particular one impressed and touched me a lot. The South Koreans were about to shoot the North Korean soldiers who had surrendered, with shouts of 'Kill these commies!' or 'Kill these pigs!'; which is true - the North Korean soldiers are really animals. They kill entire villages of innocent civilians. But the issue here is perfectly balanced by a character who protested vehemently, saying that they, the South soldiers, will be animals themselves if they shoot unarmed and surrendered soldiers. It goes to show that no one can talk about morality when it comes to war. Nobody is morally superior to anybody, reagardless which side you are fighting on. Nothing is fair in war, nothing can repay what was lost, nothing can be gained. This is why I hate war.

The only way you can possibly console yourself for killing the lives of so many, is that little voice inside you - and sometimes you doubt if it is really yours- which keeps telling you to do so, for the sake of 'good'. But is it really good you are fighting for? It might be; but that goodness so easily corrupts you may not know what you are doing. Good may just easily turn into a necessary evil. War to me, is as good as any other kind of perversion, plagued with the distortion of sin, and so, so far way from what Things Should Have Been.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Because...there's some good in this world, Mr Frodo. And it's worth fighting for." - Samwise Gamgee

The Da Vinci Code movie review

3 out of 5 stars.

Kinda disappointing if you ask me, and nowhere near as good as the book. From the start, you know many things will be cut off when Sophie Neveu (Andrey Tatou) comes running to Robert Langdon (Tom hanks) and tells him 'hey, it's the finobacci numbers'. Erm...that's it? That's all you can tell me? I remember they actually took quite long to solve it in the book. That said, the solving of 3 anagrams are also no fun at all. While reading the book, once you knew it was an anagram, you will want to solve it yourself, and that's where the fun is. The answer is slowly revealed to you; in the movie, however, they are revealed revealed in a flash and dull manner. The action is also quite boring: Langdon and Neveu run away from police. Langdon and Neveu find a hiding place. Police finds Langdon and Neveu. Langdon and Neveu run away from police again. You get the idea.

Of course, all the hype of the movie lies in the religious controversy, and even I myself had to admit it will be hard to separate fact from fiction the moment Leigh Teabing (Ian McKellen) lets out all his theories with such seriousness. The main issue seems to centre on the divinity of Jesus, (that he was a 'great prophet, great teacher...but mortal nonetheless', that 'he turned from human to divine overnight') although if my memory serves me well (I read the book like 2 years ago) the main issue of the book was not really this, but about the Church's supression of the sacred feminine. Nevertheless, I was also surprised that in Langdon was given a subtle Christian voice, as he counters (very subtly) against Teabing on various issues. Again, I do not remember Langdon given even little bit of Christian voice in the book, eg. 'the Priory of Sion myth' - did he even say 'myth' in the book, or had I missed it completely? Or even that the divinity of Christ was already established prior to the First Council of Nicaea. The accusations, however, if you ask me, are not as strong as they were in the book.

Those were still believable. But towards the end of the movie (yawn), it got ridiculous when Langdon tells Sophie that 'you are the royal bloodline of Jesus Christ.' It was simply unbelievable. All in all, I believe one will probably enjoy the show better if he has not read the book. If not, the movie is just a regurgitation of everything predictable.

Will I watch this movie again? No. The hype is over.

It's been confirmed.

The whole platoon will be sent to 3 Signal Battalion! A lot of us are very sad, since it is reputed to be the most 'xiong' of all signal battalions, has SOC (haha!), IPPT, super intensive orientation programme, 70kg generator drills, and many other ugly stories about it.

For me? Well, I guess I've finally got what I've wanted.

Many were complaining about the need to camo-on, the many exercises, but well, I guess I will be going overseas on a plane for my first time....hee hee. Heard it will be Australia and Taiwan. Shiok!

But I will be learning driving first before all those ugly stuff happen to all of us :)

It has been said...

Dane draws prophet. Muslims protest. Danes' are insensitive.
Dan writes Jesus. Christians protest. Christians are oversensitive.

Dear Computer,

Would you please wake up? Please do not die on me. You know how precious you are to me. You are my only source of entertainment apart from the television, and even so she's only my second love. See, over the years I have lovingly pampered you with many accessories: the graphics card which makes you look so much better, a new monitor to uplift your face, new speakers so I can hear your voice clearer. And the television - I gave her nothing! Nothing at all! Not even a PS2, not an Xbox, not even a DVD-player, nor a plasma screen! Remember how I would use to spend my time with you immediately after I come home from school. I didn't mind my parents' objection - I just wanted to be with you. Yes, of course, I did spend less and less time with you, but I swear, its because of work committments! Well, I have never truly wanted to part with you, though you are showing signs of ageing. Well, not until I have saved enough money to dump you for a newer one anyway. But for now, please do not die on me! You realize how I need you. Yes, the laptop is just a few metres away, and easily accessible, but the memories I had with you (my class photos, friends' photos and videos) cannot be replaced! Please at least wake up again for me to transfer our beautiful memories into the hard drive.

O, please do not die on me!

Yours sincerely,
a disillusioned teenager.


P/S: The writer assures you he is completely sane. He is just bored, that's all.

The Drawer of Memories

Everytime I open this drawer of mine, alone in my own room, the door locked, I would look into its contents. Most of the time, it is so messy and always piled up with useless things. Life is so busy, and notes just pile up on top gradually, and I have no time to clear it. Yet, beneath these useless sheets of notes lies cards and papers with precious memories. Thus I would clear the useless things, and recollect the precious things that were said to me.

Of all gifts and things given to me, I treasure the words of encouragements most. I like to keep cards and letters most, and never had I nor will I discard any of them. They encourage me to strive to work hard, to trust in the Lord, to continue serving Him. Those letters given by my primary school friends are still sitting comfortably in one corner, awaiting my visitation every once or twice a year. Then there were others, thanking me for being their friend, or some others wishing me happy birthday over the years. I would appreciate the effort they put in to simply design the card, imagine how they would use different coloured markers just to make it look nice, draw creative pictures, and I would appreciate the thoughts put in to write it. Some cards are painstakingly cut by hand to achieve its design, and I cannot help but thank God that there are such friends in my life! These are things which will stay with me for a long, long time. Thank you for being my friend too.

And as I move on inch by inch to the bottom of my drawer, removing useless items one at a time, it also reminds me of the temporal things that I used to hold on to - and now I have decided to part with it. Those grades of mine in secondary school, those A1s and C6s that I got, some certificates, report book, the young pictures of myself in school uniform, that very familiar study schedule, bloodbank donation cards, the GP essays I wrote, my bank account balance sheet, even my mathematics notes. Most ended up in the dustbin, never to be seen again, others chucked into another drawer because they do not belong here - with the letters of memories.

The sad thing is, I seldom send people cards or letters. Maybe you have a drawer of memories of your own, and I haven't thanked you yet...

Am I real?

Now that's not a stupid question. That is a question that philosophers ask. And I think I've been kind of paranoid lately, probably because I have been reading some of these stuff. I questioned myself - do I exist? Am I real? Or am I in a dream? Quite interestingly, the first time I had this thought was when I was in pre-primary school, maybe about 6 or 7. I know, you are thinking I was influenced by the Matrix, but back then Matrix had not even been shown. It came straight out of pure curiosity (and boredom) Then, I asked my mum 'Am I in a dream now? Is there a Real Me sleeping now and I'm now in his dream?', to which, of course, my mum remarked that it was absurd. And I even went as far to think that I may be in a series of dreams of the Real Me. As in, the Real Me dreams of another me which dreams of another me, and so on and so on, and now I am the nth me. I got this idea from the fact that you can trace back infinite video screens if you place a camera on another video screen, so it goes back to infinite number of video screens which gets smaller and smaller. And also from a front cover of a book (forgot the title) which shows a lion reading a book, and the cover of the book is the same lion reading the book, such that there is infinite number of lions reading a book. Actually, I also don't know how to explain. Forget it if you are lost. Me too. Well, I kinda forgot about this for a while, until...

I caught this again in an episode of Lost, where Hurley had an imaginary friend who told him that everything was not real, including himself. And then he told Hurley to jump down the cliff to return to the real world. So am I real? The philosopher Rene Descartes famous explanation of 'cogito ergo sum', 'I think, therefore I am/exist' is also similar to another Lost's episode, where Locke commented, when a character said he is turning crazy, that 'You are not crazy. Crazy people don't know that they are crazy'. Come to think about it, it is very similar to Descartes' thought - That is, doubt actually affirms!

Therefore, since I doubt that I exist, I must therefore really exist. And the fact that I'm questioning my sanity shows that I am pretty much sane.

For now :)


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Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says, and vanishes in a puff of logic.

Two weeks More to Go!

2 weeks more to end of my signal operator course at SI. It's been a rather fun 8 weeks here already...though I admit I did not like signals at all the moment I received my posting after BMT. The people here though, really made SI a lively place. And I even met people who knows my secondary school and JC friends, and we spent much time talking about them. Interesting platoon mates I have. The gifted people are the weirdest. One of them talk non-stop, the other is crazy over pokemons and dances madly. One goes home and checks the place where my PC stays, that he has one twin brother and goodness knows what else he knows about him. The other is obssessed with the female OCT (officer cadet). One is pro-PAP and makes speeches against the opposition, another racist gives nicknames to Chinese (called xiang jiao pi a.k.a. banana skin), Malays (called qiao ke li pi a.k.a. chocolate skin) and Indians (da pian pi a.k.a ermz...nevermind). Then who can forget Sgt Kenny, with his outrageous antics, feminine behaviour, and ridiculous sound effects, though he is no doubt a great teacher - probably our favourite Sgt! And also Sgt James, who punctuates his sentences with a 'kay?' so it goes like this: 'This radio, kay, is a 946, kay, how to open, kay, you press this, kay, and insert, kay, the batteries...kay?' Absolutely hilarious. Anyway I hope most of us end up in the same platoon the next time...


Next week will be my Detachments Setting Up drill and all those important exercises, practically the whole week, a far cry from our usual air-con room mugging/sleeping. Exercises make me alive! Studying is so dead, especially studying about radios. 1 practical lesson makes us understand better than 10 theory lessons. Anyway, I will be looking forward to the next 2 weeks, before I pass out and get reposted again. Can't believe its already 4 months in the army, but still, another 1 year plus to go. I'm getting old liao. My 19th birdthday just passed on thursday. Celebrated with my platoon with 2 pizzas and a cake :)

Grace is an army camp?

Now, that's almost unheard of. But it happened today. All along I have thought and still presume that in army, there is no such thing as grace. Forget about asking for forgiveness, forget about second chances. Those only happens in the World of Civilians, and even so, very seldom. In green uniform, no such thing. Especially in BMT, there is no such thing. But today in Stagmont, I met the first truly kind soul. No doubt there are good and kind people around, but this man, a Captain, he stands out.

I was supposed to be punished, and I expected punishment. The rifle I returned was carelessly without a magazine (gasp!). All that normally means was 2 consecutive confinements, and you know how precious a bookout is to a soldier. So I slipped into panic mode and tried searching in vain, until it was discovered that a friend of mine was holding on to it (though it was also my fault that I did not check properly). So we returned the magazine.

There he was, sitting on his chair, asking me my name, and other particulars. Then he asked me to choose whether I wanted to sign extras. I said yes, it was my fault. Then he told me to count the number of M16s in the armoury (presumably as punishment) By now I had already known he was quite a nice guy, since no vulgarities spewed out from his mouth for such a serious crime. While I was checking, I overheard his conversation with an Indian corporal. They were talking about God's grace, and somehow I felt it was linked to this incident. I only caught him saying that grace is given, and not bought. After finishing counting, he let me off, no punishments, no extras, no confinements, no nothing.

Grace! You don't see this often in an army camp.