Sian!

Less than 24 hours to book in again. Saturday guard duty has caused me to miss:

1) Friday night's TFC leaders' meeting. Second time I missed in a row. Can bet how blur I am right now.

2) Saturday night's SG groups gathering.

3) Sunday's church service.

Sian.
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Teenage Angst and Too much Pride

On thursday I criticized a platoon mate of mine, because he had too much pride in himself, and quite frankly I find it hard to tolerate, after tolerating for so long. Not just me, but my entire bunk. He is the kind of person who likes to bring down the dignity of others, in order to make himself feel good and high and mighty. And the lame thing is, he even takes this stupid pride business of his to the world of computer games. I only have 2 words for him: teenage angst. I hope one day he will grow out of this. But he's 20, and he's older than me! What is happening...

So on thursday he tried to make my friend S feel bad again (for not running fast enough). Basically both of them are poor runners who failed their IPPT test, and M always like to ridicule S for his running (if he wins; if not, he pulls a long face). When M runs, he does not run to beat himself, and to improve. He runs to beat S. And even if he fails in the end, he will be happy because his ego is boosted by his 'win'. This time round, I decided to speak up for S.

M: Wow, S...how are you feeling right now? You must be, like, s***, how come I so lousy?
S: *keeps quiet all the time*
Me: M, I think your mind is screwed up, you know, the way you think. Screwed up. Why do you think S should feel bad just because he lost to you?

And so I went on and on criticizing him, and his pride. I criticized even the way he play computer games. The way he played DOTA. The way he played Risk. Through all these small chidlish things everyone can see how much pride he has. If you beat him at DOTA, he goes home to train, so that he can beat you back and ridicule you. How lame is that? Beat him at Risk, and he pulls a long face and says he has no more mood to play, until he regains power and starts his ridiculing nonsense again. And at one point of the game, he remarked, 'Hey, let's stop playing Risk la. It spoils your character.', to which I remarked, 'Not if you play it properly.' It is not the game that spoils a person's character. M's character is already spoilt even before he plays the game, and the game simply brings out the ugly side of him. His pride is too much for him to handle.

And he is 20. Playing like a 8 year old kid, full of pride. I remember I used to cry and refuse to pay my opponents money when I lost at 'Monopoly'. That's exactly how he is playing. Like a kid.

Even A came to help me argue. 'The problem is, you play to make yourself feel good.' And I continued my ranting. 'My soccer skills is better than yours. Does that mean you have to go train now to beat me? In everything sure got people better than you, won't your whole life be very busy and miserable?'

At this point he kept pretty quiet, and S remarked, 'Finally somebody said something.'

I hope M keeps his mouth shut the next time.

The Curse

Today I set the quiz for the Person and Works of Jesus Christ. I am terribly disappointed at some of the responses, especially from some of the guys, who show little interest in studying the Word of God. They can get the question on 'true faith comes from listening to Jesus' correct for all I care, but I can hardly see it in their lives, which is where it really matters. God does not care whether you pass my quiz or not, but He does care whether you are consciously, and by faith, practising what you claim to know. If not, they are all just dead knowledge which you memorize and remember.

I could have ended at question 3. And let everyone go. But what I have observed in the past 3 weeks tell me I cannot simply do so. I edited it at the last moment, before I went out with my family for dinner on Saturday night. And I am glad I made that decision, telling them to "re-examine yourself and pray". Because what I predicted actually came true: a very 'sian' attitude towards learning the Word of God.

Especially the guys. I think Ernest is a very patient leader, and the 4 guys should better appreciate that. If I am faced with the same 4 members who show such little zeal for the Word of God, I'm afraid I might scold them every week.

Another Reason Not to Join the ****

By now I am thoroughly convinced, as would 99.9% of my platoon, that civilian organizations are much more efficient than the overpaid ****. Why?

Today is the prime example. Basically we could all have left the c***, say, 1pm, after lunch. I am now at home at 10pm. The thing with some of the c********* is that they like to jump into the action without giving much thoughts to it.

So we had one whole week to do all these things. I missed the first two days due to fever, but when I rejoined them they were still working on it. And then the pace slowed down, as if there wasn't anymore important things to do. In fact, that is usually what we expect. Nothing more to do. Then, on a Friday afternoon, we suddenly were given things to rush through, like mad. Friday is important because it is the day we book out and become c********. And we are not asking for less work. We are asking for most of the work to be done before Friday, if there really are so much work.

Haiz. What happened was, we were told to do something. It lasted for 2 hours and we were almost done. Call ring. Sorry, undo it. Another 2 hours gone. And when it was done, more problems exist than before.

I don't think it is very fun to undo things when it takes the whole c****** to do it, and the c********* are not even there. Even the sergeants were angry. But well... a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. So we left at 10pm, and we were in the same state as we were at 1pm.

So I suggested. Maybe the c********* should think very very hard what exactly they want to do on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, before letting us do the work on Thursday and Friday. There is really no point in asking us to do something and then change their ideas the next day, or worse, within the day itself.

****. Please don't be misled by the posters. It is inefficient and disorganized.

P/S: Those words asterisked are not vulgar words. I'm just being tactical.

Fantasy

I suddenly have the interest to work as structural engineer, or maybe civil engineer as NUS call it. Why? Because in Prison Break, Michael Scofield managed to break down a wall by using a small egg beater and drilling 5 or 6 holes into the wall, hence weakening the strong wall at the precise points.

How cool is that?!?!

And when I become a structural engineer, I can design prisons.

And then break out of them, to save some innocent people wrongly accused of crimes they did not commit.

Very cool...

Not-So-Important Resolutions for 2007

1. Drink more water.
2. Drink less coffee.
3. Eat more.
4. Eat more often.
5. Watch only good movies.
6. Remember to say hi when I meet people.
7. Remember to say thank you if necessary.
8. Use computer less often.
9. Jog every weekend.
10. Read more books.
11. Watch less TV.
12. Open my mouth.
13. And talk.
14. And elaborate.

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Watched Blood Diamond today. 3/5. I think it was pretty good, but then again the director should kick himself because it was a freaking awesome idea, and then he sort of blew it with by creating an almost invincible Leonardo DiCaprio. He dodged some 400,000 bullets before finally dying in the end. Someway about three quarter of the show, it almost deviated from the Blood Diamond theme, but thankfully I felt it ended on the right note. It was also a nice idea to include sub-themes in the show, like the father's love for the son, and then the relationship between Archer (DiCaprio) and Maddy (Jennifer Connelly). Saw some glimpses of City of God and The Constant Gardener in this show, both of which I think are far better shows. But still, the movie was pretty good. And I don't understand why Leonardo got an Oscar nomination for his role. I mean, it was quite good, but nowhere near great, just like the film.

Next up, I would love to watch Pan's Labyrinth. But I am quite sure my JC friends wouldn't watch with me.

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On Friday I rejoiced because my bunk shifted downstairs from 4th to 3rd storey, and I got to choose my own bed at the corner of the room! Yeah!! I love corner beds, because it is the only place you can be quiet by yourself at night and less people will come and disturb you. And then I can do all the reading and bible studying I want.

Fantastic :)

This time last year..

5th January, 2006. I was a botak!

Wahahah.

How time flies...I am now slightly more than halfway through army :)

A New Year Begins

I shall reflect on 2006's resolutions.

1. To survive army life physically
2. To survive army life spiritually

Number 1 was easier than I thought. Number 2 was much more difficult than I thought. I now believe that anyone who wishes to enter army can end up being very very disappointed. I remember this time of last year. It was 4 more days to enlistment. Naturally I felt very nervous, yet filled with anticipation. One of the reasons why army life seems so exciting is because of what the movies and books tell us. I am not saying they are false. They are true history; you just don't find it here in modern Singapore. You, as a man, is attracted by qualities like heroism, bravery, discipline, ethics, justice, victory over evil, experience of a lifetime, and so on. But you will be like a newly-recruited soldier for war, feeling all the excitement to jump straightaway into war and kill some enemies. When once you are inside the war and witnessed all the tragedies, you cannot wait to get out. As I have advised F, once you go in, be in for a shock. You will not find Saving Private Ryan at Pulau Tekong. You will not find Schindlers' List there. You will not find the Battle of Ardennes there. And I have warned F, to expect some misery there, if he even desires to live some sort of Christian life over there.

So Resolution no. 2 is still very difficult to me. I had one year of experience already. But I am going to use this resolution again for 2007.

For 2007, I have a new and extremely heavy responsibility. Somehow I felt I have not trusted God enough when I was first told of this duty. What kept flashing through my mind is that I cannot do it. Honestly speaking, I am still not ready. I never see myself as a good teacher or speaker. I can say 'God will use the weak' many times, but I have found myself so unfaithful to even trust that God will bring me through. I thought for a week and decided not to do it. But somehow, by God's will, I'm back again, taking up this responsibility. I want to learn to trust God. I think God will prepare me slowly but surely. I need to stop slacking, and start being serious in my walk with God. Hopefully this responsibility will keep me on the ball always. I learnt a great lesson through this. God has shown me my faithlessness through Q and my group members F and Z. Q has been crazily juggling all sorts of ministries thrown at her and she's taking the new one despite all the stress she have. And then as I listen I realize that time and youth is actually on my side, and I am not making good use of it. I am not involved in as many ministries as her, yet I am not faithful enough to take this up. I was so ashamed of muself. Through F and Z, I realize that all 3 of us are so alike. We are sometimes unable to put our trust in God, and feel dismayed by it. We made a resolution for 2007, that we must learn to trust God more in our lives. God spoke to me through a song on the last Sunday of 2006, 'Great is Thy faithfulness'. Throughout all these years of faithlessness, God has remained faithful, so why am I still do distrustful? I hope the coming year will teach me more about trust and obedience to God. I look at myself and say, 'Look! I'm still here!' It is so wonderful to be preserved by God's faithfulness.

On Watchnight service (31st Dec) I learnt through Deacon Gregory to always give thanks to God under all circumstances. All others praised God for something that God gave to them, but Dn Gregory was special that night: he praised God despite having found himself wanting. I think it is wonderful to know, and trust that the upcoming year will be better, because God will look after each one of His sheep. I like listening to the testimonies given. I will come for Watchnight service next year to share in the joy of God!