After 4 Seasons...

Lost has produced what I think is the best episode and moment of the series so far. Entire episode about Desmond was just... perfect.

On Teaching

Finally, on Monday it will be last day of teaching. I'm kinda relieved (no pun intended) yet sad at the same time. I guess these 3 months have been really well spent. What do I think of the profession?

Stressful and fulfilling. Those are the two words I would use. Stressful because I need to prepare lessons everyday. Though I reach home at 3pm everyday, I actually have to spend time to mark papers and to prepare for the next day's lessons. And I kinda envied those experienced senior teachers because they have a decade of notes and worksheets all ready, and I have to start from scratch, designing my own worksheets, making them relevant and interesting (especially those NT classes who switch off just reading the textbook) and of course, planning lessons such that they can last those entire 3 periods to prevent them from making noise after finishing all their work. And when I reach school, everyday is a new challenge making them keep quiet and study. Not to mention that at times it can be really discouraging when those who wish to listen simply cannot because the class is too noisy and I could do little about it except feel guilty and apologetic. Because of my incompetence. And those times where students actually remarked that my lessons are boring. Not that I have a choice, having my timetables changed frequently and having nothing but plain textbooks to teach. And sometimes the changes are so drastic and the remarks so discouraging that I would pray and ask God for help. And after these 3 months, I have been through it all. I even wrote, "All the way my Savior leads me, what have I to ask beside?" in my notebook. That was my theme for the last 3 months.

And I'm glad too. Because for every discouraging remark that I receive, there would be two students asking me to go back to their class to teach. Of course I cannot do so, since their original tutor is back, but it always brightens up my day to hear such nice things from them. It reaffirms that my hard work has not gone to waste, but has been appreciated by some if not all. And some would leave notes to thank me, and there are those who sighed when I told them I would be leaving.

Am I a good teacher? I don't think so. I am boring and hardly speak well. I teach better for small groups than a big bunch of 40-odd students. In fact I would gladly heed the advice of one of my students.

Student: Cher, what you doing after this?
Me: I'm going to university first.
Student: Then after that neh?
Me: Then work lor...
Student: Work as what?
Me: Dunno. Maybe teacher?
Student: Don't be teacher lah. Your students will bully you.
Me: ....
Student: Cher, I know you teach us you go home and cry everyday right!

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I saw my Officer in BMT at the Rock Climbing competition. He still looks almost the same and really having an enjoyable time. Then I realised that he had probably spent like 2 years plus as a civilian. The boring days of regimentation has long been forgotten. Wow...so shiok. And he's probably in NUS Year 2 already! Cheryl told me to say hi to him, but I guess he had already forgotten who his recruits are. Such bliss.

I could still remember what he told me during my first 3 months in army. He was speaking to a group of people who couldn't pass their IPPT in his office and I was one of them. He gave us some advice, and as we left, he told me personally that he hoped I would pass. I nodded my head, saying I will do my best. Passing would mean high chance of Sispec/OCS. He was kinda shocked that I did 2 pullups during my second last IPPT test. An improvement, but still not good enough...

I wish I did, but in the end I didn't pass. But I didn't regret since I had worked hard... And it's kinda a waste because one week after BMT I actually managed to do 6, which is a pass. I guess it was one week too late.

My Laptop is Back

Finally. And I am now $200 poorer.

A Theology of Customer Service

I think I am justified in quitting my NTUC job. By the way it is the No.1 or No. 2 Call Centre in Singapore. They will pick up your phone call by the second ring, which is about 2 seconds. I have actually tried that :X. Imagine the amount of stress I had to face in a job (non-stop picking up calls) that requires you to be nice and sometimes untruthful. The insight was gained when I was calling the Toshiba hotline to enquire how many decades they needed to repair my keyboard and the phone rang like 20 rings and nobody picked it up. So I rationalised and figured that it was a good decision to have left NTUC. Heh.

Anyway I was teaching today on how to write formal sentences politely and appropriately. And it triggered off memories of yours truly as a pathetic call operator trying to appease the wrath of unreasonable people and telling them half-truths and coaxing and persuading with endless counts of apologies which I don't mean and would gladly take them back in a heartbeat. One example:

"Your handwriting is so messy that we cannot read it" had to be changed to "Unfortunately we are unable to read part of your message". And I was telling the class that in order to please your customer/client, you, as someone working in a company must never remind them of their shortcomings. Rather rephrase such sentences as if it is your fault, not theirs. And that's how Customer Service is like. Polite, but half-truths. Always your fault. Customers are always right. In other words: Plain rubbish.

And one student stood up and proclaimed, "But Cher, if someone lousy you must tell them what..." Reluctantly I replied, "No, you cannot do that.. that is not how you serve people..."

Of course, deep down in my heart, I was like, "Right on! My sentiments precisely." I believe that service to people ought never to be separated from telling the truth, but well, that's how the industry works.

I guess part of such an inclination towards telling the truth and not fearing that I would be ending up not sounding nice and polite comes from several years of upbringing in the church, and of course the plain words of Scripture. As someone who has come to know God, I need be humbled, and I need be told the plain truth that I am a helpless sinner whom, without the grace of God, will never come to redemption. And the same attitude of truth-telling and humility is expected of all Christians. If someone criticises you, you ought to examine what they say. Compare to Scripture, and if found true, repent and change. And that is the lifestyle Christians live. We are not afraid of criticisms, but rather welcome them, if only they would spur us on to greater holiness and likeness of the One who made and redeemed us. It is a joyful thing to be criticised, and that is what the world filled with pride cannot accept. We value truth, even if it hurts. We recognise Truth is a divine attribute and an inseparable aspect of God's moral perfection. In fact we have already accepted the truth that hurt us most, so what other truths ought we not accept?

So, at the end of the day, I find it plain nonsense to have to apologize to people who do not deserve such apology. I find it plain nonsense to tell someone "Ok, I will forward to my supervisor to help you see if you can claim the money..." when the obvious answer is "No. You cannot."

But that's how the industry works, I guess. I don't necessarily think it is wrong, I simply think it clashes with my life philosophy.

"I loved her. I just couldn't show it."

I'm a little troubled. Don't worry this is no emo post. Just a little distressed over some things. I guess as a Christian I have failed horribly at human relationships. Well I was worse back then when I need not care. But now.. things are different. I had to care. I want to care. In fact, I would love to care. But it always seem that somehow I am unable to know people well, or at least as well as I would have loved to. And I think the problem lies with me, the Anti-Social, the Unapproachable, the Cold Guy, the Dao Kia, the Wet Blanket, the Epitome of Boredom. Not that I want to be like this anyway. I hope I have a choice.

You know that scene in The Shawshank Redemption, where Andy mentioned to Red that "oh, how I loved her (his wife)"? One might have imagined what disdain he would possible have for his wife who would commit adultery later. But no; he loved her. He just couldn't show it. And it was a very sad scene for me, since his wife never appreciated or could never see his love for her just because he was unable to express himself. I immediately identified with Andy. I was like, that's me! That's kinda like me, I thought. Many times good intentions are just simply not good enough. But of course, I hope that a Mr Red will come along and be a good friend who understands Andy.

That's the first thing. Second thing that I am troubled is, and pardon me for saying, are some of us getting too 'wise' for our own good? I mean, it's good to no longer be apathetic, but I just feel that maybe some of us are a tad too quick in judging and criticising, especially in the dangerous business of judging someone's intentions and words. We seem to so easily associate certain words with certain thoughts and somehow assume both are linked. How often do we get it right? Is it not God's business to know the secret thoughts of man? Not that judging is wrong, and I would readily admit that most are wise men and women whom I would gladly heed the advice of, yet at the same time, I cannot help but feel uncomfortable. I think it is a dangerous business to peddle in. Simply put, if I were to place the wise judgements of a godly man alongside the sinfulness and deceitfulness of our hearts, I think we ought, as fallen sinners, trust our own fallenness more than we ought to trust our 'wise' counsels.

Think too highly or too lowly of yourself?

Sometimes it's better to err on the right side.

Big Fish

Tim Burton is just amazing. The kind of colourful, delicious images that he can conjure and put on screen simply overwhelms his sometimes illogical fabrications. You simply don't care they are illogical. You love it when they are. So I was watching Big Fish yesterday. Amazing film exploring a Father-Son relationship. About a son who learns about who his father really is, through the unbelievable tales that he always tells. Ending is great too. I teared in the end. 4.5 stars!

Sick

I have been sick for the three days straight now. Strange thing is, I hardly ever fall sick. Maybe once a year? And each time I fall sick it's usually a long, hard one.

Still remember that terrible 5-day fever just before my field camp two years ago.

It's difficult and sad not to be able to do anything but sleep, having the desire to read but no mental energy to do so, and not wanting to lie on the bed but ultimately succumbing to it anyway.

Hope it doesn't go on to the 4th day. I need to do something productive and useful!

Won't Go Home Without You

Love the melody...