My Heart Is An Engine

I realized I learnt quite a lot during the last week of Maintenance course. It is very boring, I admit, but I managed to learn some Physics from my mechanic instructor. Haha...learn Physics in army. He made me ashamed, because I thought mechanics have low education (nothing wrong with that...just a biased generalisation), and instead he proved me wrong, because he has quite a good grasp of physical concepts. Thus he not only showed us how to do, but he even understood the way Physics work in those vehicle parts. And best of all, he has a wide range of knowledge in many other areas which are related to his work. Can you say 'all-rounded'?

Thus I kept turning to my friend and said 'Woah...physics...' whenever he explained physical concepts. When he told us about the dynamics of oil prices, I turned and said 'Economics.' When he told us the history of armoured vehicles, I murmured 'History.' And he knew almost anything! I think I had said 'Marketing', 'Chemistry', 'Current Affairs' and even 'Business' at the end of the day.

And one part which really quite amazed me was the part where he described about how the engine worked. Ok, I still don't get it. I am going to do engineering and I don't know anything about engines. The engine is really a complicated mix of many machine parts which work together accurately and efficiently. I have no idea how many years of research and design it took before those geniuses made this complicated thing. And then I thought of those pistons, and those air. And I likened them to arteries and veins, and blood, and I realized that...

My heart is an engine! And it runs by itself! What's that biological term again? I forgot. (I have forgotten a lot of things since I wore the green uniform. Maybe they are right - it makes you stupid.) I remember how I used to write 'The heartbeat is initiated by the heart itself' in my Biology essays. That's amazing. And even if it was stimulated by, say, the central nervous system, still it requires none of our will to make it work! It requires none of our effort to make it work! When was the first time you realized you had a heart? 3 years old? Maybe later? Well, my heart has already been beating even before I knew I had one.

The heart must be the best engine ever made. It can last like, 60, 70 years on average, probably even up to a hundred and beyond, and you don't have to lubricate it, or change any elements every 24 months, or every 40,000 km, as you would in a Land Rover.

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Ok, so I anticipate someone might say I have a very automatic and physical concept of the heart. It beats and pumps blood to the rest of the body and the lungs. I apologize to the poets out there who thinks that the heart is a symbol for love, to the writers out there who thinks the heart signifies desire, but pardon this scientist who thinks it is a wonderfully made...uh, engine.

P.S: New insight. I realized our body also has an inbuilt cooling system. How cool is that!?

When I Looked Around

When I looked around me in church today, I realized God has blessed me greatly. I would never have known silly Ernest if not for our same faith. Neither would I have known Xidong. And Qiaoli. And James. And Zenxiong. And Chee Hong. And Rainer.

And all these people whom I know.

Lost (No, not the show)

I felt so lost. Today is the second time I attended the meeting this year. And I know I am actually not needed there. Why am I there? I cannot provide any numbers, nor bring any friends to any events. If not for Mr Lim's session on time management, I think I will be spending all my time there...

Feeling lost.

I left early, though I really don't mind staying and even praying together, even if I cannot contribute anything useful.

But alas, they seem like strangers talking about strange things. Lost..

I Am Freaking Thrifty

Wow.

I think I am really fortunate. And I have never understood how fortunate I am. With regards to taking buses. And I actually only knew it now!

I think of how much money I have saved, or prevented from spending over the years...all my schools are in the neighbourhood. When I was 5 and 6, I walked from home to my kindergarten. When I was 7, I walked from home to Bedok South Primary School. When I was 8 to 12, I walked from home to Yumin Primary School. When I was 13 to 16, I walked from home to Ngee Ann Secondary School. When I was 17 and 18, I walked from home to Tampines Junior College.

When I was 19, however, I spent a freaking $10 in TWO freaking days, taking 6 freaking buses to and fro freaking Sembawang and freaking Tampines everyday!

Luckily, this will only last for another week or so. I can't imagine how much I must spend on transport from home to NUS which is in....

FREAKING JURONG!!!

I missed those days when you can take a bus and travel as far as Orchard or Woodlands or Boon Lay and you still pay 45 cents. Well, things changed, and the first time I realized it, was when I could no longer top up $5 for my EZ Link card (minimum $10 for adult), and then Andrew Wah laughed at me, 'Where got people top up $5 one? Go two trips bo liao!'

Last time...$5 can last me...like one month. I don't want to grow up!

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edit: Someone smart has remarked that NUS is actually located in Clementi not Jurong. She also tell me I am ruining NUS' reputation by stating such a dumb statement. Well, it seems that my trouble has already started even before I enter that....

freaking university.

Now I know

why these folks are complaining whenever there are price hikes. Now I travel to camp and back everyday....6 buses in total.

It is making me broke!!

A Good Problem?

Ever since that day I decided I wanted to go Chemical Engineering course at NUS (and which subsequently I was admitted into) I have been thinking whether I had made the right choice. I have no doubt that it is my interest, and apart from an engineering course I would have readily considered Science. I mean, what is there not to like about God's wonderful mathematics and physics and chemistry? The only reason is I can hardly say I do well in those two subjects, but given a chance, hopefully I will learn them with all my might, though I foresee I might very well struggle in them.

And that is precisely the reason why the course is giving me doubts. People around me have been discouraging me (indirectly of course) when they say it is an extremely demanding course to be in. I concur, given that I may well have to compete with top students in Asia, as well as, possibly Medicine rejects, who are certainly cleverer than me, to say the least. The thing is, I don't mind being the lousiest in a course which I would find myself enjoying doing.

But I hate the struggling. I remember how I stuggled with Physics in my JC 2 years. JC 1 was okay, but when I reach my second year I realized what a weak foundation I had in Physics, and I literally spent the whole year struggling with 'D's, 'E's and 'O's. In fact, my prelim result was a disappointing 'O'. It screamed at me to drop the subject before my other subjects suffer because of it. But it so happened (thankfully, now that I see on hindsight) that I was not allowed to drop the subject as it was too late, and with only one month to go, I can only hope, and of course, work doubly hard to make it good again. Come to think about it, if I had been allowed to drop the subject, I will never know why I was weak at it. It wasn't the teacher's fault. It wasn't the notes' fault. The problem lies with me.

The end result was rather surprising. I obtained a 'B' grade for my A's. It wasn't excellent, but I was satisfied and delighted. I understood, that it wasn't my stupidity or inability to comprehend the physic concepts when I was in JC2. It was simple: I was slacking the whole year long! And when I finally put my mind to it in the last one month before my A levels, I realize I could do well in it. Thus I hate the struggling, but when I say I hate it, then I hate myself for allowing myself to struggle in the first place. Because I was slacking.

Now the same thing comes again, and I know I will struggle in that course. Thus, I will make a resolute 'no' to slacking anymore once I get into the course, and give myself no more excuses.

Unless, of course, I shall make any changes to the course I am taking...and perhaps change to Science course. I ahve another year to make up my mind. I really do not know if I want to be a teacher or engineer or researcher - for now. Maybe I will try to get a relief teaching job after my NS to see if I am suited to teaching. Maybe. But whatever I am, I know my future is in God's control. Whatever course I am in, whatever university I am in, God's will is that I put my utmost best in the place where He puts me into, and glorify Him in whichever I do.

In this, I am tremendously comforted.

Exploring the SMRT

'Hey Derrick...wanna play this game? It's called 'Exploring the SMRT'.' James asked me, with a playful twitch of his eyebrow. I laughed immediately, because I knew he was going to do something dumb. Jackson, too laughed, indicating he has played it before.

I reluctantly agreed, eager to find out what silly games he had invented. James began to explain the rules of the game, 'Ok, when the door opens, we run out and run to the furthest cabin we can, and just before we hear the 'toot, toot, toot' (door closing) sound, we run inside again. Cool?' It was simply hilarious, the way he explained it. Not to mention the entire thing sounded so childish and dumb. Imagine being trapped outside the train just because of one stupid game! But well, the young boy in me decided to follow them anyway. And boy, did we giggle like no one is watching! 'Don't run!' James warned, 'It's very obvious we are playing....'

I'm glad he knows that.

The next station. James wanted to do something more challenging. 'Now, we will do shuttle run. You know shuttle run?' I burst out laughing. 'Ok,' he continued, 'we put one foot onto the next cabin, and then we run back two cabins.' And so he did, with Jackson and I watching in utter disbelief. I wonder what the people are thinking.

Next station. Still, James had better ideas. 'Ok, now we must sit down at the seats, and say one sentence, like, 'My name is Derrick and I'm serving NS, in Signals.' then we can run back in again.'

Jackson shook his head. Me too.

Merry Christmas!

I want to see this French film..the story about how soldiers fighting the war in WWI came together to celebrate Christmas one day...

Where can I find it?

Freedom Never Felt So Good

Today was my first time driving under no instructor, since I have got my license. It was fantastic! You had no idea how much better I drive when I am under no pressure to perform well.. and ironically because of that, I perform better! Maybe the instructors should a learn a thing or two.

I had much fun being the vehicle commander (usually its the instructor) while my buddy is driving. So now, yours truly is the instructor - minus all the vulagrities, of course. I tried to sound as mean as I could while trying to imitate my instructor to the best of my ability. Alas, it turned out to be funny instead.

I jerked in my seat in an exaggerated manner at any slight jerking of the vehicle, much to the amusement of my buddy.

'Wah...change to 3rd gear and stop. Who teach you one? Huh? Can liddat ah? Huh? Can liddat ah?' I remarked sarcastically.
'But sir..the gear got some problem....' my buddy commented.
'Oh, so is the gear's fault lah? Not your fault la?'
'Yes, of course. You think you better than me meh?'

I burst out laughing. It was a great day! Somehow, the fact that two jokers in SAF uniform taking charge of a $1 million vehicle is by itself an amusement :)

I want these books...

The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis.

And, John Charles Ryle's Holiness. I regret not buying it in church last sunday. First I had no money, and second, there are a few books I wanted to read but haven't read yet...still at home.

*sigh*

I Am a Fool

I finally passed my Driving Test, on the 3rd attempt. Not without a lesson taught though. It came across as just another one of those familiar tests we all took, and we all know how many tests and examinations we have gone through as Singaporean students in a Singaporean education system. Not surprisingly, army also has its fair share of tests as well. And it is a very simple thing really: do your best, pass or fail.

Or is it that simple?

I have never quite remember how I dread any tests at all in my life. Perhaps I was a bit nervous during those oral examinations, but that too, did pass away. It is not the disappointment I hate either, since they are not new to me. Or at least I could forgive myself if I had put in some real effort. My reason this time was simple: get it over and done with, lest anyone should judge me again.

I thought I should never have to contend with those insulting remarks made to me anymore by my trainer. I know he teaches well, but the way he hurls those remarks are not welcome. I know I am not perfect either, and I make mistakes. And I know the reason why he wanted me to pass so badly is because he could make some extra income out of it. On another day the thought of puposefully denying him that money did creep into my mind, but alas, it was an evil thought. I should do well in whatever God places me to do. Furthermore, if I did pass, I do not have to face him anymore.

Since I came into army, I have been able to tolerate those nonsense thrown at me. I have been able to tolerate the holier-than-thou attitude some people display, or the fact that they sound and behave so morally superior to us (only to display their inconsistencies a minute later). What became a pain to me, though, was to face the continuous rattling of insults. Nothing hurts more than repetition. And one of my platoon mates sums it up best: "I came from a place where people say 'excuse me, please, thank you.' Not 'F*** you.'" My sentiments exactly.

Forget that intellectual Derrick. There was nothing intellectual about him. It was simply his alter ego to try to sound smart. The real him, though, is weak. The intellectual one knows what to do, the real one doesn't.

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And so the evil Derrick prayed that he would pass. The first time, the second time. Both times the good Lord denied him that 'pass' he wanted. Perhaps his motivation was wrong. Thus he was to face his trainer with that dread again for more remedial driving lessons. More mistakes. More insults. More toleration. Perhaps what God wanted to do was to instil that little patience and love that he was so seriously lacking.

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The third test. Yet another evil thought crept into my mind. I began to doubt if God really works for the good of those who love Him. What an heinous thought! When people are wondering the same question with regards to suffering and evil, this fool was asking in the matter of the most trivial of things! Immature brat.

Alas, I knew the evil of my own heart, as God has revealed to me.

No Freak Of Nature

So there I was, in the forest, learning how to conceal and camouflage the vehicle. It was quite tiring, but as usual, nature is always a motivation - THE motivation, in fact- to go outfield. Nothing can quite replace the smell of leaves, the feeling of the winds and the sight of the creatures of nature (save the irritating bees who keep pestering us).

'Hey, Derrick, look!' Ivan exclaimed, 'I have psychic powers!' He said in a child-like manner. This boy, I have seen him torture ants by drowning them in a puddle of water, and then smiled as he watched them struggle for their lives. And he won't even let them die... yet. He brings the half dead ant onto the dry ground and then proudly proclaimed with a smirk on his face, 'they are still alive.' When I protested that we shouldn't mess with nature, he retorted, 'well, man is part of nature also what.' That was still mild, the worst I have seen is when he used a lighter to burn the lips of a poor toad (no kidding!)

This time though, he had spotted a caterpillar hanging out of nowhere in the middle of the piece of land. His 'psychic powers' apparently is how he cleverly uses his hands to make the caterpillar seem that it was hanging on nothingness, somewhat like how Magneto raises his hands to support cars in the air. Upon closer scrutiny - and I mean real close - for only then can one see the thin fine thread that the caterpillar was hanging from - and only barely! I even had to see it against the green background of our No. 4 uniform before I can make out the thread. And as it was, the caterpillar was trying to take in the thread into its own body so as to move upwards towards the branches about 1m above. It was truly remarkable.

Ivan had better ideas. He used a stick and stroked the fine thread in another direction, making the poor creature fall back again to a lower level. He repeats this continously such that that creature really makes no meaningful progress at all. As I said to Ivan, he had no idea that it was like a 24km route march for the caterpillar.

And then suddenly, to my horror, Ivan smiled (that same evil smile he wears on his face when he drowns an ant), and he pulled the thread. 'Oh crap,' I thought to myself, convinced that the thread will definitely give way this time. To my surprise, though, once he released his fingers, the thread recoiled and bounced back to its original position, much like those springs you use at the physics lab, only now, it happened in nature! So astonished was I that I kept murmuring that 'this is mad. This is mad, man. Mad. The thread is damn strong, lah. Damn strong leh.' Even I myself was forced to do some experiment on my own, and true enough, the fragile-looking thread was strong and elastic enough to withstand the pull of my fingers. Madness.

And after some persuasion, I managed to convince Ivan to leave that poor thing alone, and finally he did, leaving nature to nature. Its destiny is to become a fluttering yellow butterfly, and we shouldn't interfere with that beautiful design. As for us exhausted but astonished humans, we continued that nong nong day outfield.

Unusual Incident

So there I was, on a normal weekday, serving my NS. I was in my army uniform, sitting in a 3 tonner truck, with an instructor beside me guiding me along. I went along that familiar stretch of road in Tampines which I always see every week, the junction just outside my house.

Red light. I came to a stop. Waited like any other red lights, and preparing to move. As my hand shifted to the handbrake, my instructor warned.

'See that old man over there? Stop.' It was already green light for me.

I turned my head, and to my surprise, it was my Grandpa pushing his wheelchair amidst moving cars in his direction. The red man had already lighted. No one was helping to push his wheelchair.

The cars in my direction slowed down. I was relieved, yet disturbed at the dangerous situation in front of me. Grandpa could barely see anything 5 metres in front of him, yet he always insisted on going out on his own. That was why he missed the green man.

As he reached to the other side of the road, safe now, he comically beckoned for me to move on, apologizing for obstructing the traffic, totally unaware that it was his grandson who was watching everything worriedly in that huge truck.

I wonder if my instructor would believe me if I had told him, 'That's my grandpa.'