My Sad Pathetic Little Life: 一事无 成.

Yeah. That is probably the cheemest Chinsese idiom I can still remember. My mind has gone rusty since not studying for two entire years. Once in army I was supposed to draw a plan of my bunk. I forgot how to spell 'cupboard' and wrote 'cardboard' instead. That's how pathetic.

Anyway W was telling me that we have already entered the 20 plus year-old era already. Yet we are still 一事无 成. How very true. But of course that's the world's standard. I really love talking to these old friends of mine, whether from simple things like teasing one another about girls we used to like, or to deeper musings in life (though not very often, admittedly). W has been my classmate since Sec 1, though as he had observed too, our Band of Brothers are slowly falling apart bit by bit.

'Brothers' is a very nice word to use, but unfortunately quite untrue. Being a Christian means I have to give up certain things which I could otherwise enjoy in their company. I don't feel sad though. It was with much regret (and secret happiness) that I rejected to go overseas with them after ORD. And W said, he (and the rest of the Brothers) had already half-expected I would say no. And maybe they also secretly wish I wasn't there :)

I guess that's one part of me. There are things that I cannot do (as a Christian), and there are things that I don't like to do (based on my personality). Many times it's a mix of both that I no longer differentiate them. For example, I can never understand why people can be so happy all day long. I think it is pretentious. I think it is rather disgusting. I get very uncomfortable seeing people rejoicing their whole day right in front of me. I mean, there are things to be happy about. But this? Trivial insignificant things make you happy? I don't know. And I don't know if I am finding their behaviour disagreeable or I am secretly envying them, because it is something I can never do. Sometimes people call me a 'wet blanket' just because I simply find no joy in doing things which they like. For example, I hate parties. I hate prom nights. I hate celebration dinners that go over the top. I hate loud music and drunkenness, and above all, I hate the lack of ability for contemplation. You can never take that away from me. And for this reason, I am a wet blanket.

This is the way of the world: that those who talk more and think less are the more well-liked.

Perhaps, my life can be described as 'inscrutable recluse'. That is an exaggeration of course. And of course I don't think my life is sad and pathetic as the title says.

I look at myself, and find that I am without success, without girlfriend, without much talents, without much wealth, without so much things that the world treasure, and...

I am happy.

On Relationships

I just learnt that a friend of mine had just broken up with his girlfriend. What saddens me most is that this seemed to be a rather stable relationship. I respected the both of them for being so committed unlike countless other couples. Years ago it would seem that the relationship would really last. It was serious, and both of them were serious. Somehow things did not turn out the way they wanted. Perhaps the question that they are asking is, 'what else is needed?' What else is demanded of us? Haven't we given our all?

That a relationship can change so quickly in the face of a few years is a very frightening thought. I know nothing about relationships because I have not been in one. Maybe I shouldn't. Isn't it the case that singles always wish to be in a relationship, and then when they are finally in one, they can't quite commit to it, or bear responsibility? Or worse, when it hits you, there is nothing left you can do. It is hard enough finding someone who share the same thoughts as you, who believe in the same promises as you do.

Maybe that is the best way out. To stay out. To escape the unimaginable emotional hurt when precious memories suddenly turn insignificant and useless, like a Christmas present which a kid finds no more use for in adulthood. What used to be so cherished and relished now becomes dispensable.

Befrienders'

Today is my second time there. I think it's a good idea to talk to the adults. Laughed at some of their jokes. And one thing I learnt today: Pastor is actually quite a humorous guy. Not the slapstick kind, but the intelligent-funny kind. :)

Hairspray! You Can't Stop the Beat!

5 stars. Easily the best film of the year. Most entertaining at least. Very funny! If you don't smile and laugh, your skin's too tight! Delivered songs after songs, and makes you wanna dance!

Nikki Blonsky: Check out her dance moves!
John Travolta: Looks weird but the funniest character.
James Marsden: Cyclops has never looked so charming.
Michelle Pfeiffer: Glamorous!
Amanda Bynes: Very pretty!
Zac Efron: Wish the girls behind me stop saying he's hot everytime he appears.
Queen Latifah: Great voice!'

Nikki Blonsky - I Can Hear the Bells


Favourite parts is Nikki Blonsky's 'I can hear the bells', 'Without love' and 'You can't stop the beat' near the end.

My Sister Wendy Rules!

I just ordered two DVDs from Wendy. She rules! I don't know why she's so rich. I hope she saves money, man. She says she does, so I get to have my two live DVDs from two of my favourite bands! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! A modern classic and an 80's classic. You can't ask for more, than two of the greatest frontmen in rock music, Jack White and Freddie Mercury!

So my face was like,

\m/0.o\m/

when she said she would order for me on amazon:

1. The White Stripes - Under Blackpool Lights (2004)
2. Queen - Live at Wembley Stadium (1986)

DVDs that you probably can't find in Singapore. And they cost about S$50, which is very sweet and reasonable because that amount is infinitely lower than the price which she paid for music that lasts for eternity. Coolness. Let's hope Amazon delivers them on time :)

The Cradle of Creativity

Sometimes great works of artistry are found in the most unlikely places: Jurong Camp's sentry post. Just to give an idea why such great works are frequently found there, basically sentries must stand with rifle for two hours straight on duty. This is when our minds start to wander and grasp new inspiring things (and our pens facing a very inviting yellow wall to our left, right and back) otherwise kept dormant in our minds. The result? Art!

For example there was this picture of time paradox: (a never ending sequence of pictures which also represent reality, since basically this person who drew on the wall is vandalising, and then someone is required to paint over this wall which he drew on.)




Previously I have thought about this time paradox thing. So I was really glad there was someone else who was on the same wavelength as me. Haha. Found here:
Am I Real?

Disclaimer: I, in actual fact, don't think that is art (though I admit is quite creative), and I certainly don't condone vandalism.

Be H.I.P.

Inspired by a conversation with a churchmate today regarding intellectual property rights. Warning: serious ranting ahead. Please bear with me.

If anyone has bought any VCDs (licensed by Alliance) he would almost always catch this advertisement about honoring intellectual property rights. Basically the ad says things like:

You would not steal.
You would not rob a bank.

And then it goes on to say that piracy is actually the same as that above. (Piracy here includes blatant hard copying of discs, or even illegal downloading.) Thus be H.I.P: Honor Intellectual Property. It made me think of two things: First, that if Jesus is here today, this is likely the modern version of the Sermon of the Mount. For I say unto you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Does not the Sermon of the Mount teach us inward obedience to the ten commandments and not mere outward obedience to the letter of the law? Anyone who tries to argue 'it's not the same' will first have to justify that Jesus is wrong to equate murder with unreasonable bitterness/unforgiving spirit, and adultery with lust of the eyes. The principle is essentially the same.

Secondly, it goes to show how lacking Christians are in terms of morality. Can it be the case that the same person who says 'obey with your motives, thoughts and attitudes' is also the same person who disregard social law? (I will argue it is not only against social law, but also against the talents and efforts made by men, and a failure to recognise it. Would you dare disregard the gifts of God?) Simply put, if a secular organisation like Alliance can tell us what is the right thing to do (and with surprisingly biblical instruction), then Christians are the ones who ought to be ashamed. We are passively disobeying 'Thou shalt not steal' by simply refusing to pay up. If Jesus is here today, maybe he will call us 'thieves'.

Also, such an instruction is either for us to follow, or disregard. It is disturbing, to say the least, for those who sincerely care about obeying God and men (the laws). Let's face it: for each single song/movie/game that we download or watch for free, we are denying the studios/recording companies/game companies profits, which they deserve. We are also disregarding the immense talents (from God) and efforts (from men) put together to create that one piece of medium which we enjoy so much, but instead of recognising them, we slam the door on their faces in nonchalant fashion, not nearly half grateful. There are many arguments which I deem ignorant: for example, that the studios are earning too much money anyway, and one more person makes no difference. Or that if I am really satisfied with the download, I will definitely buy the real thing. Or there is a very small chance I will be caught (arguably the silliest, and most immoral reasoning.) Shall we now water down the godly principles of the Sermon of the Mount and resort to a pragmatic, never-hurt-the-others kind of morality? I feel that there is no way to justify downloading. Also face this: downloading is simply a new, (almost) invisible means to obtain illegal stuff (unlike one who would have resorted to buying pirated discs years ago, without the technology we enjoy today.) Are we any better than those who openly pirate goods? I don't think so.

One way to actually force people to think is to put yourself in the shoes of these wonderful creators. Imagine yourself as a film director (if you love movies) or a singer (if you love music). You do not want anyone to download things so easily off the net. Each time I tried explaining this, all I get is a gentle retreat from all discussion. It seems that we really wish to avoid this controversy, because there is no way to justify our actions. We wish others would not do the same thing to us if our positions are switched. What happened to 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'?

It is easy to dismiss what I am saying. I know it is hard. Believe me, I have sometimes tried to stop listening to myself and to what is right. But if we claim to obey God, then I guess we have to bravely face all sorts of controversies.

Evolution of Dance

Very funny. Apparently the highest viewed video on youtube (57 million hits). Lmao at AC/DC's 'You shook me all night long'.

她飞得最高最远。。。

Star Search's F3 Kola Zhou Ying (China). I think she looks very classy and elegant. She can be my girlfriend. And her language ability is almost unbeatable. So sad I missed all the Tuesday episodes due to Army Open House trainings :(

Black, White and Red

The White Stripes - You Don't Know What Love Is

Army Open House 2007: Where our story comes alive

Okay, you might be surprised why I am blogging about army. Here is something more surprising: I am going to praise the army. AOH is good! And when an NSF like myself says army is good, it really must be so. (And I am not a big fan of army)

So what's good about AOH '07?

1) Impressive organization. 3 Div had one month to plan the entire event. Everything seemed very very rushed until the last possible moment (imagine doing evaluation on the eve of AOH), and yet we managed to pull it off. The setting up of my plaza was completed on the morning of the opening day itself! The overall consensus from public is that it is impressive. Our CO said that this is the most intensely networked AOH ever. 3 SIG BN had laid over 14km of cables and lines all around Pasir Laba Camp. Really very hard work. Lucky I am not the one laying :)

2) The friendly environment. 5 days of no vulgarities, extreme politeness and courtesy almost unheard of, and the accept-all-blame-it's-all-my-fault-you-are-right attitude towards the public. Wow. I feel like a civilian. And I was paired with this usually garang staff sergeant and surprisingly he showed that he could talk and behave like a civilian too! So we made balloons, we gave free gifts, we made their day, we made them smile. So although it was very tiring (official hours 10am to 8pm, but we had to set up at 7am everyday and never slept til 11pm for five days) standing for so many hours and talking and promoting so much(we were selling bluetooth downloads for army wallpapers. I was amazed the public wants them!), it was still enjoyable. There were some interesting people we met, like the two primary school kids.

PARTNER: You got girlfriend or not?
KID #1: No. He got. *points to friend*
KID #2: You also have lor. Don't bluff.
ME: Wah. So young got girlfriends. Teach me leh. How you get one? Why I cannot get?
KID #1: *survey my entire body* It's your hair.
ME: *speechless*

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ME: Hi Sir. Good afternoon. Would you like to try our bluetooth download? You can download our wallpapers or ringtones free of charge.
GENTLEMAN: 好。。可以。。
ME: 请问你的 bluetooth 开了吗?
GENTLEMAN: 你可以帮我看吗？*proceeds to show me the main menu on his phone in 华文.*
ME: Oh. 对不起。我的华文不大好。。
GENTLEMAN: Oh, ok, 好. *proceeds to change menu to English.*
ME: *embarrassed*

Actually I do know how to read Chinese. Just that it might take me 10 seconds to read one word.
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3) The ladies. Finally a lower level of raging testosterones. There were many characters we named. There was this Tattoo Girl (I will talk more about her later), M1 Girl, Enthu Girl, Tile Painting Girls, Ice Cream Girls, Drink Stall Girls and Survey Girls. Basically apart from a few, we don't know their real names. It was rather boring sometimes (read: promoting army wallpapers!?), so they became our topic of the day. I especially like the Tattoo Girl. She is the most plain but yet attractive girl, while the rest dress like they are at orchard road, some particularly and deliberately revealing. KY suggested that I like 'decent, JC-type girls', to which I agreed. Maybe I just like the way that she is simple, quiet and doesn't like to show off much. And she is a natural; the rest had too much make up. KY was like, ‘去拿她 number la...', to which I replied, '不要 la...看就好了...不要想太多.' I think she noticed that I was looking at her a few times. There were times when I walk past her booth and she will just glance back at me. Wah..被电到。。 KY's right. She's that type. And I met Felicia Chin on Saturday :)

4) The Magician. I love magic shows! I watched the magician perform his tricks for 5 days. One of the tricks is called the 'Crazy Man's Handcuffs'. The most that we figured out is that there was an "exchange" during the part where the magician would stretch both bands together. Requires very fast fingers.



Astonishing isn't it? He also made one of the rubber bands 'disappear' right before our eyes. He also swallowed a balloon about 1 metre long. And some simple card tricks which I cannot figure out. Bravo!

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However, what really turns me off is the fact that Ugly Singaporeans came. There were a few faces that I could recognise. They came all 5 days. Just to get freebies. Like the extremely ugly green NS40 bag which I would never dare to bring outside, so I wonder why they wanted to grab it. Some almost even came to fights. Really, I was very embarrarssed that such people exist. There was one who grabbed 4 green bags despite us telling him politely that he can only take one. And we spotted one who took more than 50 (!!!) ponchos. There were a few times I really felt like lecturing them only to be reminded that I have a positive image to portray. And there are even kids snatching these stuff and their parents did nothing to stop them. Really disappointing.

Yet despite this, AOH is still a very enjoyable experience. I am missing those civilian-like days again as I return to my mundane army life.